The Girl in the Mirror (Part 2) (Englisch)
Datum: 17.02.2022,
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Schamsituation
... on Jesus' face, looking up, saying . . . what was it he said? "My father, why hast thou forsaken me?"
It seemed blasphemous but she knew how Jesus felt. She had looked up many times to God when she was naked, put on display, quaking from extreme shame, feeling abandoned and forlorn, stripped of everything including hope . . . she remembered having her legs spread in the dorm lounge in front of her friends and dorm-mates, on the verge of orgasm from the pokings and proddings, knowing the odor of her female musk was obvious to everyone . . . looking up at the ceiling, praying . . .
She remembered standing in the supermarket parking lot, in subfreezing weather, being stared at by the customers in the parking lot, and by the stockboys from behind through the window, not being able to close her legs or use her arms to cover herself because she was sure one of Dean Jorgon's spies was sitting in a nice warm car right in front of her . . . looking up and praying . . .
She looked at that crucifix now and prayed again. Please, God, please Jesus, give me the strength to do this . . . and forgive me for what I'm about to do . . .
Tami looked down. In her praying she was even starting to sound like Jesus. She shook her head. I can't get pretentious. I'm just an 18-year-old college freshman. Let's just get through this, O.K.?
She got up and walked toward the stairs as her father turned in his chair and woke up. He got up stiffly, holding a newspaper.
"Gotta get ready," ...
... Tami said, starting up the stairs.
"For what?"
"Midnight Mass."
"You're going like that?"
"Well, I'm a nudist, you know."
Her father looked concerned. "Tami . . . c'mon. You can't go to Midnight Mass like that. It's just stupid. They won't even let you in."
This was true but Tami had to try. "Well, maybe they will and maybe they won't."
Her father shook his head. "Forget it, Tami." He was not a real churchgoer but he was thinking about people they knew who might be there, and his daughter walking into church naked right in front of them. A quick three-block sprint to Charlene's house was one thing. But this was different. "It's just dumb."
He was absolutely right but Tami swallowed and said, "Well, I'm going . . . I'll take the old car."
John Smithers thought for a second. "You'll be back right away. . ." He told himself, If she's NOT back soon, I'll take that as a sign that they let her in. That new liberal priest might be there and he might do anything. But I just can't imagine that even he will let her sit there for mass like that.
Tami went up the stairs. In a few minutes, washed and combed, the ankle pouch with her driver's license in it securely fastened, she was in the living room with her legs bent up on the couch looking out the big bay window. She had dashed out and started the old car and was now trying to make out the exhaust smoke in the darkness as the car warmed up. She held her toes in her hand, rubbing them, biting her lip at what ...